An experience I have had when I had to become responsible for something, is being responding for my dying dog, Katie (February 9, 2001 - September 7, 2016) I had to take care of her because my mom had gotten home really late at night because she works an hour away and sometimes had late meetings. My dog was a lab dalmation mix and was fifteen at the time when she began to suffer a spine disease that caused her body to slowly become paralyzed from her legs to her head. She could hardly walk or get up, and sometimes I couldn’t help her because I did, she’d snap. This is all because she was scared, she didn’t know what was happening to her and began to snap at my mom and I. She began to wear a diaper a month before she passed because she could no longer control anything from her stomach, down. This meant I had change it for her and when she did want to go outside, I had to strap her in a body harness because she was heavy for me to walk her downstairs. She refused her medicine a lot so I had to sit with her until she ate it, and feed her at the same time with a spoon. Taking care of Katie was a lot of work because I was scared to death that she was going to die when she was with me.
Taking care of Katie was heartbreaking, we felt like she wasn’t ready to go, until she began to suffer. I went through very many terrible emotions when she was alive because to watch her slowly become worse was heart-rending. My mom and I didn’t want to put her down if she wasn’t ready, but at the same time, we didn’t want to have suffer. I delt with this event terribly. I would cry continuous times because she was my first dog. It wasn’t easy coming to school thinking that she might be dead when I get home, so I broke down numerous times. I knew that a dog can sense when you were upset, so when i was around her, I remained calm because I wanted her to pass knowing that everything will be okay. I did everything I can for her to be happy, I showered her with love constantly until she growled at me because she was annoyed. Every time I took Katie outside, she would fall over. I tried my best to not let this happen, but when she did I became more scared of losing her life. These events continued on while I took care of her until the day after my birthday. I had just gotten home to see her lying next to walk covered in blood. This happened because she fell over and tried for so long long to get up that her paws began to bleed. This when I knew that she was suffering. I felt horrible because this happened the one time I wasn’t watching her. She was alone and scared. So we took her to the vet to be put down. I told my mom that I wanted to hold her for while before she went, so she sat on my lap for an hour while the vet was preparing for her. When she went in, I tried so incredibly hard not to cry, but I did. Seeing Her face lie almost unconscious tore me apart. All I wanted to do was take care of her and have her live a long and happy life. For a while, I felt like I was responsible for death because I wasn’t there when the tragic event happened to her. I then learned that she would of passed whether I was with her or not and I just had to let go.
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AuthorNicolette LaMarr Archives
May 2017
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